Recognising the Self While Living the Word

The path of spiritual growth is marked by self-discovery and humility, particularly as we strive to live the Word in the inner life of our minds. One of the most profound aspects of the New Christian journey is coming to recognise the distinction between heavenly states given by the Lord and the deceptive states produced by the proprium (selfish sense of self-life). True spiritual progress depends on our willingness to examine ourselves, uncover the workings of the proprium, and continually turn to the Lord.

Awakening to the Difference: A Personal Moment of Realisation

Like many, I begin this journey by noticing the fluctuations in my spiritual and emotional states. There are times I find myself in a peaceful, calm, joyful place—a state that feels rich with delight and connection. These heavenly states are unmistakable, full of life and hope, and seem to open outward toward others and the Lord.

But there are other times as well—states where emptiness and aloneness creep in, leaving me feeling frustrated and impatient when dealing with others. These are selfish states: when the self seeks satisfaction apart from the Lord, leading instead to depression, separation, and ultimately impatience and frustration. Recognising this difference is key to understanding the actual effect of the proprium in my life.

Reflecting With the Lord’s Word

Once I have this awareness of what’s going on in me, I can reflect: Why wouldn’t I always want to do the spiritual work that brings me more and more into heavenly states? Why would I resist self-examination when it clearly leads to peace and joy? Through living the Word and pausing for honest self-reflection, I was able to see that it was the proprium—the false, self-centred sense of knowing—that resisted the process. The proprium believes it knows the way to happiness. It chooses self-will and self-intelligence, convinced that its path leads to heaven, even as it brings only negation and sorrow.

This brought to mind the Lord’s words: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but climbs up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber” (John 10:1). The self is like the thief or robber, seeking entry to heaven “some other way” than through the Lord and His order of repentance and reformation. It tries to take heavenly joy for itself, but true blessing comes only by following the Lord—by entering through the “Door,” which is the path of humility, self-examination, and turning away from evil.

Ongoing Self-Examination and Repentance

This insight is not a one-time event, but it is now part of my awareness and a call to ongoing self-examination. Spiritual work demands that I pay attention to my states. When I feel delight or peace, I can give thanks to the Lord; when I notice emptiness or tension, I trace it back to the workings of the selfish self. I realise that genuine progress meant admitting my proprium’s illusions, turning to the Lord for light, and making conscious efforts to reject false desires and choose what is good—not by my power, but by cooperation with the Lord’s love and wisdom.

A Living Practice of the Word

To live the Word in the life of the mind means to allow its truths to penetrate not just our outward actions, but our motives and deepest affections. As I continue to reflect on both heavenly and selfish states, the Lord gently led me to see new lessons about humility, trust, and surrender. Self-examination becomes less a duty and more a doorway to genuine peace, as I acknowledge my need for the Lord and open myself to His work of renewal within (Personal Growth).

Conclusion

The journey of examining the self, recognising the false wisdom of the proprium, and surrendering to the Lord is a continual cycle. Through honest reflection, the practice of repentance, and a living relationship with the Word, we move gradually from self-derived emptiness into the Lord’s joy and peace. We come to see, by our own experience, that the proprium thinks it can get to heavenly states by itself, when it’s only possible through self-examination and repentance. In this way, the Lord alone becomes our Door, our Shepherd, and our heavenly joy.