Loving the Neighbour

In the teachings of the New Church, “loving the neighbour” is a command that goes much deeper than simply being nice to others. At its core, it is about recognising and loving the Lord’s presence. It’s loving the good and truth that flow from Him, within people, situations, and even within ourselves. The teachings of the New Church reveal that truly loving one’s neighbour is inseparable from the daily spiritual work. Our work is that of self-examination and repentance.

Who is My Neighbour?

At first glance, it’s easy to think of the “neighbour” as just the person next to us. That our friends, family, or community are our neighbours. But in a more profound sense, the neighbour is actually the good itself that comes from the Lord. This means whenever we are loving and cherishing what is good and true in others or in ourselves, we are loving the Lord’s life flowing into the world.

Loving Good Is Loving the Neighbour

Loving the neighbour, then, is really a love of good and truth, not just outward behaviours or personalities. It’s about valuing and promoting what is right, loving, and useful. It’s valuing what is true because those qualities are from the Lord and are what make someone truly human and connected to heaven.

What is the Good of Charity?

But how do we come into the good that is truly from the Lord and not just from ourselves? The Writings make it clear that the entryway is one of self-examination and repentance. This teaching is sometimes surprising: we might think that doing “good works” starts with actions toward others. The first and most essential practice of charity is to look honestly at our own lives. We are to notice what is selfish or harmful, admit it before the Lord, and strive to turn away from it.

This daily spiritual work clears away the “proprium” (our selfhood) and its evils. This makes space for the Lord’s good to flow in. Only then do our acts of charity become genuine. Otherwise, even actions that look good are tainted with self-interest and lack a spiritual foundation.

What is the Truth the Lord Is Trying to Teach Us?

A central truth that the Lord continually tries to teach us, especially through the Word and the process of spiritual struggle, is coming to see for ourselves the quality of our proprium. The proprium is our apparent self-life: the sense that we live, think, and act from ourselves. However, the teaching for the New Church reveals that the proprium, left to itself, is nothing but self-love and love of the world and is the origin of all evils and falsities. Unless we see and acknowledge this truth, we remain trapped in spiritual blindness and pride, unable to receive genuine good from the Lord.

The Lord aims to open our eyes to our true condition, not to shame us, but to free us. Through self-examination and repentance, we begin to see the limits and harms of the proprium and become willing to let the Lord replace it with His own life and love.

Why Is This So Important?

If we skip self-examination and repentance, our “charity” is only on the surface. We might help others or act kindly, but our motivations are often to look good, to be admired, or to keep a sense of pride. But genuine charity is possible only when we humbly see our own shortcomings, learn the real quality of our proprium, and invite the Lord to transform us.

In this light, when the teaching for the New Church talk about the “good of charity” or “good of love,” we can understand this as the active, ongoing practice of self-examination and repentance. Charity is not about acts of service but first about letting the Lord’s goodness enter our hearts by honestly facing and shunning the evils within us and learning the true nature of our proprium.

Loving the Neighbour Is Loving the Process

Amazingly, this means loving our neighbour is not about what we do for others, but even more importantly, about valuing and loving the very process by which goodness, or real spiritual charity, is a part of our lives: recognising the true quality of our proprium and working with the Lord to be changed. When we rejoice in and love the process of self-examination and repentance (both in ourselves and others), we are loving the good from the Lord. We are making space for heaven on earth.

Truly loving the neighbour is inseparable from loving goodness. Goodness is not a passive feeling; it’s active and useful. The primary good that we are called to is practising self-examination and repentance. And the most crucial truth the Lord seeks to teach us is the true nature of our proprium.

The pathway to the “good of charity” begins first with self-examination and repentance: looking honestly at ourselves, turning away from selfishness, and welcoming the Lord’s transforming love. Whenever we value and practice this work, we are loving the neighbour on a deeper level; we are also loving the Lord, for the process of repentance is the means of salvation, and the Lord is the means.

Engaging in the work of self-examination and repentance is to love the Lord and the Neighbour.

Mistake in Making Charity about Others

The impulse to make charity about other people, especially when it is focused on judging or evaluating others, actually reveals much about the operation of the proprium, the self-centred human will and understanding that is naturally oriented toward self-advantage rather than true neighbour love.

From the teachings of the New Church, we learn that the proprium delights in outward charity because it gives the appearance of goodness without requiring inward change. This is especially true when charity is conceived as generous or judicious actions toward others, especially when it involves passing moral judgment. The proprium is gratified by placing itself in a superior, evaluating position relative to others; it can even feel a semblance of charity or justice while secretly indulging its own pride or desire to control.

The teachings of the New Church warn against equating charity solely with external acts toward others or with indiscriminate giving or judgment. True charity is much broader and deeper; it is to do what is right in every aspect of life, including work, citizenship, and family. Most importantly, it stems from a genuine love for good and justice itself, not from self-interest or a desire to appear good. When the teaching for the New Church talk about the “good of charity” or “good of love,” we can understand this as the active, ongoing practice of self-examination and repentance.

Judge Not

When charity becomes about externally judging others as neighbours, it often benefits the proprium in two ways:

1. It allows the appearance of virtue without genuine self-reformation. People can externally give to others or make judgments under the guise of charity, while inwardly remaining unrepentant and selfish. This supports the proprium’s sense of worthiness and superiority without the arduous work of self-examination and repentance, which threaten its dominance.
2. It masks self-love with a veneer of righteousness. By focusing attention on the evils or needs of others, the proprium deflects attention away from its own faults. This self-deception allows us to feel justified or even praiseworthy, instead of being challenged to confront and relinquish our own evils.

Charity is ultimately about loving the neighbour, which is primarily actively practising self-examination and repentance, from which flow actions from a purified heart and a humble spirit.

Making charity about externally judging or focusing on others and calling that the highest form of neighbour love, serves the proprium by maintaining its self-image and avoiding inner change. Genuine charity is primarily internal: loving what is truly good, shunning evils as sins against the Lord, and then acting justly and wisely toward others from spiritual affection. Only then are we serving our neighbour, and not our own proprium.

True charity means loving the neighbour, not as an act of self-assumed superiority or spiritual oversight, but as a fellow traveller with much still to learn and repent of. We are called to discern actions, what is right or wrong in outward life, but never to judge the soul. Only the Lord knows the ends, means, and state of everyone.